Church Wanted.

The conversations keep happening over and over. They're with colleagues and friends my age and younger. They're searching for a church. A church experience that is different from the options they have available to them. They're searching for something that they don't know what it looks like. There's this feeling that what we have as church here in the US is either wrong or missing something or .... I dunno. Something is just not right. And amongst some of my ministerial colleagues there's this feeling that we just don't seem to fit anywhere. Personally, I long to be part of a church that manifests the power of God in signs and wonders as in the days of the Acts of the Apostles. They seem to be missing from the churches I have been connected to and I can't find a good Biblical reason to justify their absence. I like the liturgy of the Episcopal Church I serve. I like Eucharist every Sunday with real wine. But I don't know that I want the trappings of having to have it that way EVERY week and all of the rules and regs that go with that. I like contemporary worship music but I don't like just that. Does it have to be every week at the same time for the same length of time? I want to be part of church that participates in conversions taking place in their midst, where they then grow up to be die-hard followers of God. I want to be part of a church that sees life transformation — that transforms my life. But does it really matter what I want? Worship is supposed to be about God not me, yet I want some place to connect to God and His people. Where is that place? Why are we dissatisfied with what we have? Why can't we learn to live with the imperfections of what is church today? I vacillate between feeling like there's something wrong with me and there's something wrong with the church. Its probably both. At some point I just have to grow up and adjust. But it doesn't seem to be happening. I think about planting a new church but I worry about just creating more of the same ... making little difference, arguing about petty things, losing focus, overly influenced by strong personalities, searching endlessly for money, etc. I want to be part of a movement of God. But I also worry that I am part of a movement of God and it's not nearly as exciting as I think it should be.