The 9 Most Bada** Bible Verses | Cracked.com

NOTE: The linked article contains cuss words, including an f-bomb. I list this link, not so much for the humor in it. There is that. What I find interesting is this seemingly non-Christian site writing an article about the Bible, albeit from a very unique point of view. Who is their audience that they thought might read this and find it humorous? Christians? Surely they knew Christians might be offended. Non-Christians? Why would they care? I just don't get it. Most of these verses are obscure Old Testament references. Some of them humorous. There's Moses killing an Egyptian and burying him. My personal favorite: a bunch of kids calling Elisha a "bald head", so a couple of bears come out of the woods and maul them to death. The third passage they mention is from Ezekial, which brings me to a funny story. An older youth pastor friend of mine spent time ministering to another younger youth pastor at some Covenant event. A couple weeks later the younger youth pastor sent the older one a nice card with a long handwritten note thanking him for his ministry and extolling his virtues. And as some Christians are prone to do he put a Bible reference under his name at the end of the card. Ezekial 23:19-20. Very rarely is the Bible too racy for my blog, but that might be it. If you know the OT at all the other passages might be obvious to you: Samson taking out the Philistines with a jaw bone, David calling for the Philistines foreskins, Elijah calling down fire and a guy named Ehud taking out a very fat king. Two other interesting one's listed: A passage in Numbers where God instructs Moses to move his people away from Korah's tents, after which time the ground opened up and swallowed Korah. And here's one I hadn't remembered reading, from Exodus. If 2 guys are fighting and one guy's wife comes to rescue her husband by grabbing the other guy by his ... ahem ... frank and beans ... the guy being grabbed can cut the women's hand off. No list is complete with a top 9. So I'll add a 10th: Judges 4:17 But Sisera fled away on foot to the tent of Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite, for there was peace between Jabin the king of Hazor and the house of Heber the Kenite. 18 And Jael came out to meet Sisera and said to him, “Turn aside, my lord; turn aside to me; do not be afraid.” So he turned aside to her into the tent, and she covered him with a rug. 19 And he said to her, “Please give me a little water to drink, for I am thirsty.” So she opened a skin of milk and gave him a drink and covered him. 20 And he said to her, “Stand at the opening of the tent, and if any man comes and asks you, ‘Is anyone here?’ say, ‘No.’” 21 But Jael the wife of Heber took a tent peg, and took a hammer in her hand. Then she went softly to him and drove the peg into his temple until it went down into the ground while he was lying fast asleep from weariness. So he died. Uh, yeah. I bet he did.